


Sublime

by ClaraZorEl



Series: (Not) the end of the world [3]
Category: Supergirl (Comics), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Alex/Kelly/Sam, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Butch Kara Danvers, Danvers Sisters, F/F, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Made up kryptonian history, Mental Health Issues, Science Fiction, SuperCorp, Trauma, You read that right ! Ruby has three mums !, fucked up family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:22:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29538177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaraZorEl/pseuds/ClaraZorEl
Summary: At least Alex is safe and well, and that's all that matters. Or that's what Kara tells herself as she grapples with the aftermath of accidentally following in her cousin's footsteps to rescue her sister. As Kara adjusts to her new normal, she revels in the fact that at least Lena is here, with her, and their future is bright. Or is it ? When Lex Luthor disappears from his highly secured prison cell, an old family feud could very well torpedo everything that the couple has worked for.Sequel toDreamboat
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: (Not) the end of the world [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562935
Comments: 39
Kudos: 80





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER : This is a work of fanfiction. It is not intended to infringe on any rights by and of the companies and/or individuals involved in the production of any series mentioned here. The idea however is mine, and mine only.

_I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,  
I love you directly without problems or pride :   
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love._

\- Pablo Neruda, _One Hundred Love Sonnets : XVII_ , translated by Mark Eisner

There's blood on her hands. So much blood. And she can't tell if it's hers, if she's bleeding to her death, or if it's someone else's. She doesn't feel any pain, doesn't feel anything really.

Her heart beats wildly in her chest as she tries to assess the situation. It's dark all around and she can barely see past the bloody hands she's extended in front of herself. She can't even make sense of her own body, couldn't be sure she even exists if it weren't for the erratic sounds she makes.

A part of her hopes it's a nightmare ; one of these easy ones with blood and dead people and she's going to wake up and cuddle to her girlfriend. It's not a dream this time though, is it ? The blood on her hands is too wet, too real, for it to be a dream. Is someone dead ?

She treads forward clumsily, unsure of every step on the uneven ground. The air is damp, earthy. Is this a forest, a basement ? She can't remember how she got here. Her feet get caught on something and she stumbles, catching her hands on something supple and wet, something that whimpers and breathes, something that smells familiar. She scrambles up immediately, almost screaming out in shock but she doesn't want to alert to her presence.

There is no need for such precautions.

"Don't worry," a cold voice that she knows so well resonates all around her, "she's not dead. Yet."


	2. Wish I could keep you in amber (Lena)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get reacquainted to our heroes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello internet people (and friends) I hope you are doing not terribly ! Thank you for getting to the first chapter after reading that harrowing prologue ; as this is a sequel by now you know that this is how I roll ^^ Because yes, this is a **sequel** ! And it'd be a good idea not to read it before you read [Dreamboat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20460731/chapters/48547670) if you've somehow ended up there without reading it first.
> 
> Since it's been a while, I'll give you a quick run down of what happened in _Dreamboat_ so again, if you haven't read it and intend to, stop reading now !  
> \- Lena moves next to Kara and they rapidly grow closer.  
> \- Lena is in a toxic relationship with Veronica but after meeting Kara and a good pep talk from Sam she manages to get out of it.  
> \- Sam is her best friend. She also happens to be Alex's ex !  
> \- This is important because Sam left with no explanation ten years ago and took Ruby with her.  
> \- When Alex sees her again, she takes a dangerous drug derived from the Black Mercy and this triggers a catastrophic chain of events.  
> \- A new slightly murderous vigilantee arises and concomitently Kara comes out as an alien to Lena.  
> \- Sam thinks she's a Worldkiller and so might be the vigilantee without meaning too.  
> \- Lo and behold ! She isn't. Kara is, or not exactly.  
> \- After Kara wrecks havoc on the city (and kills Veronica) Lena and Alex experiment on her. It is revealed that Kara is a cyborg born from experimentation by Brainiac. Kara's murderous side is switched on, she almost kills Lena and rips her own arm off to stop herself.  
> \- Brainiac is coming, intending to recapture his creation. His proximity is what set off Kara.  
> \- They battle, Kara dies. Lena accidentally weds her via Kryptonian bracelets.  
> \- Kara's body is sent to space but Lena starts seeing weird things and slowly grows convinced that she's either a. insane or b. Kara is alive.  
> \- Lena and Alex cross the solar system to find Kara who is very much not dead.  
> \- Alex and Kelly go on their honeymoon and their plane goes down leading Kara to blow her cover to save them.
> 
> This story pics up on March 30th, Ruby's birthday, roughthly four months after the plane went down and six months after Kara came back to Earth. Kara is fully out as both an alien and Supergirl and doesn't have a secret identity. Having read _Love, Alex_ is not a requirement. Every background information that could be important for this story is reexplained here one way or another so don't feel obligated to read 50k of letters, I know a lot of people don't like epistolary novels. 
> 
> I will put up separate content warnings for some of the chapters. As a general warning, this story accidentally turned out to be quite sexual. I don't write explicit sex so there's nothing of this nature but I'm passed the whole "they go to bed" *wink* thing so don't be surprised when they shag in the kitchen.
> 
> Title for this chapter is from _Stay gold_ by PVRIS and the playlist, as always, can be found on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28kvODXcf9zj0FUOeR63Fg?si=HGPA3e9ZR_q4v_ohLbKkuQ) !

Lena silently surveys the ruckus going on in front of her. The room looks, for all intent and purposes, like something's exploded inside of it. She takes a sip of her drink, sighs as she looks down at the picture in her hands and the noise of the party recedes to the background.

"Ruby's barely a day old in this one," Sam says, lightly tapping on the photograph with her pointer finger. "Kara was so happy to welcome another Kryptonian."

Lena sighs again and Sam laughs unabashedly. "Are you even listening to me ?" she asks with a teasing smile.

"Mmmh ? Yes. Yes I'm listening to you."

"I don't blame you. Butches holding babies have that effect on any sensible person."

Lena blushes, a vehement denial on the tip of her tongue when Sam interrupts her. "Don't even think about denying it. Besides, you’re allowed to have the hots for her, she's your wife."

Lena stammers. "I- How ?" 

"I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but do you really think I don't know the customs of my own culture ?" Sam says, pointing at the golden bracelet cuffing Lena's wrist.

"We're not married. More like pre-engaged," Lena mumbles, blush deepening behind her wine glass.

"Neat."

Lena scoffs. "Neat ?"

"Yep. I better be the made of honour."

"Of course you'll be," Lena chuckles, gently elbowing her. She turns to look at her best friend, finding her radiant as she looks at the unfortunate love of her life being pummelled at Mario Kart by a couple of rowdy teenagers. "It's nice of Kelly to organise the birthday for you," she points out after a minute of silence.

"It is," Sam replies, averting her eyes quickly.

Lena doesn't have time to investigate before Kara jumps in front of her, palm extended. "Dance with me ?" she asks, her voice much lower that the situation requires.

Lena surveys the room again, taking stock of the rapid beat of the much too recent music. "Sure," she replies, sliding her fingers against the warm calloused palm and letting herself be lifted to her feet by a strong arm.

"Enjoying yourself ?" Kara asks as they start swaying on the makeshift dance-floor.

"I am," Lena replies, letting her face fall in the crook of her neck. "I'm achieving my life long dream of slow dancing to shitty pop music in a room full of horny teenagers."

Kara throws her head back in laughter and her entire body vibrates with it.

"Both feet on the ground love," Lena murmurs, "both feet on the ground."

***

The party takes forever to wrap. Lena will be the first one to confess to not being particularly well versed in the lives of teenagers but she wonders what all of these children could possibly have to say to each other for their goodbyes to drag on so dramatically in Alex and Kelly's hallway. At least the alcohol selection is decent ; Alex may have decided to cut down on her own consumption, but she still has more than excellent taste. Plus, Kara is here, and where Kara is, Lena has no trouble being as well.

They're trying to be less, less clingy would be the term Lena is inclined to employ, but it's hard, and they're only doing it at both their therapists' demand. Lena herself thinks they're allowed some leniency since, after all, Kara did die and come back to life and this was a highly traumatic experience for the both of them ; so even when they're not glued together, Kara rarely strays far from her sightline, and if she has to, because they do both have very demanding jobs, she manages to keep up an almost constant string of texting, most of it weird alien subculture memes that she answers with out of context emojis in between board meetings. She's been told, by Ruby namely, that she still isn't great at this, but she sees no harm in sending back a caterpillar emoji when Kara sends her a particularly funny picture of the aforementioned insect. It's better than constantly texting the same bright yellow laughing face.

The memes are even better because it's something they keep to themselves. Reporters have asked of course, Kara even has had to be very firm with some of her newer coworkers ; but in every interview Lena has conceded to give, and in every comment thrown over the shoulder at ambushed paparazzi, she's always stuck to the big picture. Supergirl is a wonderful girlfriend. Supergirl wears boxers and sport bras. Supergirl is a great cook. But the silly little things, the memes, the baby voice Kara uses to talk to Krypto, the way her hair always sticks on one side when she wakes up in the morning, these, she keeps for herself.

She only realises she's fallen deep in thought when Kara gently nudges her side to bring her back to the present. She smiles to herself, then to Kara, and accepts for this smile to be absorbed by a soft kiss. The noise levels of the room have finally returned to something acceptable which makes this all the more agreeable. She buries against Kara's side, leaving absolutely no room for the metaphorical slip of paper to be passed between them, and returns her attention to the present company.

Kelly has retreated to the kitchen taking away the last slice of cake to save it from Kara, and Ruby has said goodbye to her last guest. Sam and Alex are the only one still hovering by the door, both standing awfully close to one another. They're bickering good-naturedly ; Lena thinks she hears Sam threaten to let Alex deal with the next twelve birthdays on her own as a way to catch up with her. To her credit, Alex doesn't seem all that opposed to it. In fact, she even grabs Ruby as she walks by to ruffle her hair playfully and beams brighter than the sun when the teenager screeches, "Mum !" and wiggles out of her reach. Alex looks so happy, and her grin doesn't lessen one bit when her daughter skips away and Sam puts a hand on her arm to get her attention again. If anything, it widens somewhat and softens, Alex's eyes crinkling with joy.

Lena sighs, some days, she still can't believe this is her family, that she's lucky enough to call these people hers. She's doing better now with accepting it, with allowing herself to feel this love, but sometimes, it's still very much frightening.

"Earth to Lena," Kara whispers in her ear, her breath tickling the delicate skin here, "where did you go ?"

Before Kara can move way, Lena turns and kisses her again, chastely. "Nowhere," she says, "I'm right here."

"Something on your mind ?"

"Not much," she murmurs, finger absentmindedly playing with the hem of her wine glass, "I'm just happy."

"Not much ?" Kara echoes, falsely outraged, "I think that's extraordinary !"

"I know you do darling."

She turns to kiss her chiseled jaw, breathing in her comforting minty perfume. It tends to mix in with other scents these days, ozone from being high up in the sky, smoke from a rescue or another ; but today, she smells clean and familiar.

"Thanks for humouring us by coming in the suit," Alex says dropping on the couch on the other side of her sister.

On reflex, Lena's hand comes to rest on Kara's bulging bicep. Someone recently asked her if there was padding in the suit, but this is all natural. She's thrown a shirt over her armour, but hasn't bothered taking it off, and it hangs open on her shoulders, revealing the crest on her chest.

"Anything for the kid," Kara says, "you know it."

Said kid hovers to Kara, holding out a controller for an expensive gaming system that technically isn't out yet ; Lena is of course, guilty for that one. "Play with me _aiahv_ ?"

Kara laughs, rising from the couch in one elegant and fluid motion. "Only if you're ready to lose little one."

"Hey ! Be nice to my kid !" Alex shouts, uselessly kicking the back of her sister's leg.

Kara briefly turns back to stick her tongue out child-likely then blinks away to the other side of the room where Ruby is already attempting to cheat by starting the game early. They bump each other's shoulders with a strength that would shatter anyone else's bones, Kara not so subtly trying to run Ruby off the road.

Alex groans, head dropping to her knees in exhaustion. "They're such a handful."

Lena hums noncommittally. Being a handful is a Danvers family trait, but given the choice, she wouldn't have it any other way.

***

Kelly offers for them all to stay. As a now true Danvers, she's got the pizza delivery guy on speed-dial and they can make pancakes in the morning. But apparently, Sam has already put an option on the guest room and Lena has no intention of sleeping on the couch. Besides, given any option, her choice is always to be home with Kara. Which on second thought might be why Sam got them a framed _homobody_ print when they "moved in" together by bringing down the wall between their apartments. It's tacky and cheap but she loves it, and they hung it up right by the main door. It also has the added benefit of hiding the truly ugly emergency lockdown system Alex forced them to install after Kara blew out what little cover she still had by coming out as Supergirl. 

There was also the option of moving out, but they both love this place too much to do so. A more modern building would have better security, but it wouldn't be theirs, it wouldn't be home. Anywhere else would have biometric locks and on duty bodyguards, or at the very least a working elevator, but it wouldn't have quirky brick walls and shitty fire exits, and it wouldn't have their roof. When this is what was in the balance, Lena is proud of having convinced Alex that one doorman would be enough to handle prying reporters and overzealous fans ; though according to Kara, he's a former DEO agent and once broke every bone in his body so he could regrow them back stronger with the aid of an experimental serum. Lena has been refraining to point out since then that it’s not particularly reassuring.

They pass by him now on their way in and he eyes Kara suspiciously until she pries her head free from her motorcycle helmet and gives him a two fingers salute and a half grin. Flying home would have been quicker, though just has disastrous for Lena's hair, but they both enjoy the banal intimacy of a bike ride, the rumbling of the engine beneath them, Lena's front pressed to Kara's back down its entire length, her otherworldly warmth seeping into her through her leather jacket.

As he is wont to do, Krypto is waiting for them behind the door, ready to welcome them home the moment Kara starts giggling the keys in her hand ; some days, Lena would swear this dog has superhearing too. Per his habit, he goes to Kara first, happily wagging his tail as she crouches down to let him lick her face and mumbles incoherent joyous things. Lena lets them be. She knows Krypto will come to her later when it's quieter and he's less energetic. He'll settle on the couch while she's reviewing some emails, no matter how many times she's berated him for climbing on furniture, and he'll put his head on her lap, silently requesting gentle scritches.

"Do you want something to eat ?" she calls out, halfway to the kitchen, one hand busy undoing her bun while the other straightens a cup that has been left out.

Behind her Kara rises and she hears her slapping her toned stomach in anticipation. "I could eat," she says unsurprisingly. "Only a light snack though. I've had plenty of cake."

A short laugh escapes Lena, tumbling past her lips in tender mockery. "So a whole pizza then ?" 

Kara hums, suddenly right behind her, and she wraps her arms around her middle, slipping the tip of her warm fingers under her blouse. She kisses the side of her head, lips lingering on her temple, and says, "you can have a slice if you want."

Lena laughs again, louder. "How generous of you." 

She leans away from Kara’s warmth briefly, just long enough to turn the kettle on and ruffle through the freezer for the food before she tucks herself into her arms again. Kara hums again, a soft tuneless vibration. 

"Are you going back outside tonight ?" Lena asks, fingers running up and down the length of Kara’s left, real, bicep.

"Brainy says there’s a 1,3% chance of a catastrophic event happening during the night."

"Good odds," Lena comments, by now used to the little system Kara and her Coluan friend have put in place to predict if she will be needed somewhere. 

It helps, knowing the chances her girlfriend will disappear in the middle of the night. It doesn’t mean Kara won’t dash away at random to get to an ambulance stuck in traffic or won’t rescue a cat in a tree if it’s on her way to work ; but she refuses to be everywhere at once, and she refuses to be a more handsome version of Superman. She’s not here to clean up humanities’ mess. 

In the weeks that followed her plane rescue, she tried to do just that. Lena would frequently wake up to find her girlfriend gone and in her place a hastily scribbled note with no way of knowing if she was across town or across the world. Lena never said anything. She contented herself with being here for her when Kara would finally come back, covered in soot and mumbling incoherences in another language only to then run away to her day job. She had hopes it would settle eventually, but the world never stopped needing Supergirl. 

And then cracks started to appear, Kara’s nightmares got worse, and she found her on the roof one night, coming home from work, with half the synthetic skin of her prosthetic arm torn off and a manic expression that had her irrationally afraid of her jumping of the ledge even with the knowledge of her nigh invulnerability. Things somewhat calmed down after that, they came up with rules, Kara asked for her help again, and they decided that Supergirl’s assistance could be requested for a worldwide threat, but not to fetch tissues for a sick grandma in Europe. Kara still cocks her head to the side at the mere sound of an ambulance, but she’s gotten better at determining if her help is needed. And when she can’t help, or misjudges a situation, Lena is always here to hold her through the night. 

"Go take off your suit then," Lena says. "I’ll make dinner."

"Is that an invitation ?" Kara croons, lips hovering over her pulse point. 

"It’s an invitation to feed you," Lena mumbles. Still, she tilts her head to the side to offer her a better access. She can never resist when Kara does that ; she simply melts, like putty in her hands. She can feel a smirk against her skin but can’t dwell much on it because Kara starts nibbling and sucking on her neck, and her own mouth parts in a breathy gasp. 

Kara’s lips leave her momentarily, "I do intend on getting fed," she whispers, and then dives right back in. 

This time, Lena’s gasp turns into a louder moan. She tilts her head further, and her hands leave the counter to come hold Kara’s head in place, fingers threading in her short hair. She clings to her with a familiar desperation and in response, Kara moulds herself to her body, pressing her front against the kitchen counter. Slowly, her right hand starts hiking down her leg, and then up again, dragging her skirt with it, higher and higher until her fingers can slip in Lena’s embarrassingly soaked underwear. She moans against her neck at the first touch and Lena vibrates with the intensity of it, her own cry rising in a higher pitch. Neither of them notice much more, not the kettle boiling louder than a rocket, not the pizza slowly defrosting on the countertop, caught up as they are in their own bubble of love and desire. 

***

The sun is well on its way to setting by the time Kara joins her on the roof carrying two slices of pizza. She drops a kiss on top of her head when she sits beside her and Lena catches a whiff of her own expensive body soap. She trades a slice of pizza for a cup of herbal tea of which Kara takes a sip with a happy smile.

"Where's the rest of the pizza ?"

"I won’t answer this question without my lawyer," Kara replies without missing a beat. 

"It’s a good thing I don’t eat as much as you."

"It’s because you’re so tiny."

"You only have two inches on me," Lena says drily.

Kara smiles goofily and wraps an arm around her to squeeze her shoulder. "And I will forever cherish these two inches," she says.

"You're lucky I love you," Lena grumbles with no animosity.

Kara kisses the side of her head, lingers there for a long moment then whispers, "the luckiest."

"How was today ?" Lena asks once they've given each other enough berth to start their meal.

Kara cocks her head to the side, in the far distance Lena hears a low siren. "Loud," Kara settles on after the sound has passed. "But I had a really fun time. And Ruby was happy, so it's all that matters."

"We can call it an early night if you want," Lena offers, already anticipating going to bed with Kara, huddled in her strong arms and pillowed on her muscular torso. Lena often feels like a walking cliché when it comes to Kara but she's long made her peace with it.

"We still need to walk Krypto," Kara muses in reply. 

Lena threads their fingers together, kisses Kara’s hand and settles it back on her thigh. "I’m sure Alex wouldn't mind taking over for tonight. Kelly's been thinking of getting her a puppy so it'd be good practise."

"I'm pretty sure she's too busy having an existential crisis over Sam to walk our dog," Kara remarks sombrely.

"So you've noticed it too ?" Kara nods. Lena thinks she hears the beginning of a grumbled response but nothing else comes out of Kara's mouth. "What do you think about it ?" she probs.

"I'm waiting for her to talk to me about it," Kara shrugs. "I just- I love her, but she has a tendency to get a little too wrapped up in her own head sometimes and I don't want her to suffer because of this."

Lena thinks over her words before answering. She thinks back to Alex and Sam in the hallway earlier, and all the time her best friend has been spending at the couple's house lately. "Give her some time to think about it, I'm sure she'll share it with you eventually. You worry too much."

Kara scoffs. "And you don’t ?"

"Touché," Lena chuckles.

"Has Sam said anything to you ?"

"No. But she’s been in love with Alex forever, so I’m not sure she’d be a reliable narrator anyway." She brings their intertwined hands to her lips again. "Come on, let’s go walk Krypto."

***

They go around the block and to the dog park where Lena sits while Kara tirelessly throws a ball until it's definitely too dark to see, even with the street lamps. They don't get accosted even once, the neighbourhood is starting to get used to Supergirl's general existence, but Kara does make a detour to catch a small time thug before he can even draw his gun out. On the way home, she wraps her plaid shirt around Lena's shoulders who might, or might not, have purposely not taken a jacket. She argues it's because it's getting warmer but really they both know it's because she likes the smell of Kara's clothes. 

At home Kara makes her another cup of tea while she gets ready for bed, a light blend that she flew across the world to get for her. She loves it, and though Kara claims it tastes like moss, she never mind tasting it on her lips. Warm inside and out, she falls asleep quickly in Kara's protective arms, hoping that she'll sleep through the night. Her last coherent thought is that 1,3% chance of a global catastrophe is really good odds, lower than it has been in a while.

It must be what jinxes it. This single sleepy thought must be what jinxes it.

To be fair, it’s not the end of the world ; no, it’s only Lena’s personal universe that is ending. It's a phone call. It comes while Kara is downstairs getting the mail, while Lena is alone in the apartment, checking her emails at the kitchen table. She's feeling relaxed, and safe, Krypto laying on her feet ; she picks up without checking the caller ID.

_"An inmate from Stryker's Island Penitentiary is attempting to contact you. To accept the call, press 1."_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Aiahv_ , the word Ruby employs to refer to Kara means "aunt" in Kryptonese.
> 
> I usually update on Friday, this chapter is just early because I have anxiety. If I can't update for one reason or another I'll often explain why on Twitter : [@GoodGirlGoneGay](https://twitter.com/GoodGirlGoneGay)
> 
> If this has any typos take it up to Rao, I'm too tired for that.


	3. All for you (Kara)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara and Lena are disgustingly in love and Kara makes a radical decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No additional warning for this chapter, unless you're allergic to protective Kara, but I did update the general tags of the fic since we're going to be heavily dealing with why Lex Luthor should rot in hell.
> 
> Title for this chapter is from [All for you](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28kvODXcf9zj0FUOeR63Fg?si=HGPA3e9ZR_q4v_ohLbKkuQ) by Night Riot.

Kara treads downstairs carefully, keeping her weight off the old and dusty wooden steps. Just last week, she put her leg clean through the stairs because she was distracted and the fact that her neighbours know about her does not allow her, in her opinion, to destroy their shared property. It's a beautiful sunny morning, a little misty on the horizon but with the promise of warmth and soft weather ; a perfect Monday, if she says so herself. She's left Lena in the kitchen with a kiss on the cheek to go get their mail. She was already checking on her emails when she left, a nasty habit that she hasn't managed to shake off yet. It's endearing, the way she squints at her inbox over her cup of tea, flagging urgent messages and dispatching others to her team. Occasionally, her glasses fog up from the steam wafting from her mug and she puffs in mild annoyance before taking a bite of whatever Kara has made for breakfast. Today it's porridge ; Lena likes to have porridge on Mondays.

She finds their daily copy of the _Tribune_ in the mailbox, as well as a couple of bills and a care package from Eliza. She can smell the gingerbread cookies through the cardboard and prides herself on not tearing it open on the spot. She quickly skims through the newspaper as she walks. She's on the front page again, as both Supergirl and Kara Danvers and it's still a bit unnerving. She loves seeing her name on the byline, that's not the problem, but her face regularly staring back at her while she's trying to read the news is unsettling to say the least. Some days, she would even swear her black and white eyes follow her around ; according to her therapist, it's a sign she needs to sleep more and worry less.

She's been trying to get her anxiety under control. Being close to Lena helps, reminding herself that she succeeded in saving her sister does too ; but recent events in her life, including her brief stint with death are reasonable factors for her elevated stress levels. There are still days when she can barely breathe, nights when she wakes up abruptly, the beginning of a scream lodged in her throat. Her call log to her sister is absurdly long, and another thing that helps is Lena. It's a good thing her recent promotion at CatCo, and her superheroing, means no one regards what she does too closely ; because she spends a good portion of her work days in her girlfriend's office with her dog on her lap. She's found it's where she produces her best articles.

She's just put her foot on the first step when it happens. It being Lena's heartbeat spiking up painfully. She dashes upstairs in a flash, Eliza's package creaking in her clenched hands, shoulders the door open, and doesn't take the time to remove her shoes and line them up next to Lena's like she usually does. She finds her girlfriend where she left her in the kitchen, half risen from her chair, with her phone loosely pressed to her ear. A message repeats in a loop at what to Kara is an ear splitting level. _"An inmate from Stryker's Island Penitentiary is attempting to contact you. To accept the call, press 1."_

She pries the phone from Lena's hand easily, careful nonetheless to not even graze her fingers against her skin. Her girlfriend is catatonic, still as a statue, and if it weren't for her loud heart and breathing, Kara would worry she's truly been turned to stone. She hangs up the phone, cutting the robotic voice in the middle of its grating announcement and after putting the offensive device on the table says, "I'm going to touch you now, okay ?"

Lena nods which in this instance is enough of an answer for Kara and she comes behind her, wrapping her tight in her arms. Her prosthetic arm buzzes at the touch. She rocks them side to side for a long minute until Lena's breathing steadies and she feels confident that she can now ask a question.

"Are you okay ?"

Lena breathes out slowly. "Can we come back to that later ?"

"Sure," Kara says, kissing her shoulder lightly. "Do you want to work from home today ? I'm free to do whatever after my pitch meeting."

"I can't," Lena sighs. "I have to be in R&D at 11."

"Okay. I'll join you for lunch then, and if your schedule allows, we can go home early. Do you want me to ask Alex to look into this ? With his views on aliens, L-" she cuts herself abruptly, swallows then forces herself to continue, "Lex falls under the DEO's jurisdiction."

Lena shakes her head despondently. "No. It's probably nothing. It's just, just he's only ever called me once before, and it was to insult me. I wonder what he wants now."

"Okay." Kara kisses her again, on the temple this time, and Lena hums quietly. "If you change your mind, all you have to do is ask."

"I know. Thank you for looking out for me."

***

The remainder of Kara's morning is both incredibly dull and extremely stressful. She misses about half of the pitch meeting because she's so intensely tuned into Lena that she can't pay much attention to what else might be happening around her. Nia remarks on it in a rather blunt way but she shakes it off and does her best to refocus on her work, though she proves to be unsuccessful in that department. She spends most of the hours that separate her from lunch picking up her phone and putting it down again ; she doesn't want to break Lena's trust but the need to stay one step ahead and ask Alex to look into what Lex Luthor is up to is also strong. There's a good chance it might be nothing, nothing more than a madman suddenly deciding to reach out to his sister, nothing more than a deranged prisoner playing a prank. But Kara and Lena's track record when it comes to things having no significance is close to null. She hangs on though, and doesn't call Alex ; even if it makes her sick to the stomach.

She does however slip a word about it to Nia just before leaving for lunch, asking her, with not much precision, to keep a general eye on the Luthors. Asking makes her feel queasy but it's not a full breach of her promise ; she promised not to involve the DEO and technically Dreamer does not work for the DEO, she just hangs around there a lot.

She flies to Dublin to pick up lunch, even if she knows it'll mean she'll make the front page of various magazines for it ("Supergirl As In Love As Ever ! Girl Of Steel Flies Across World To Get Lunch For Her Luthor Girlfriend !"). She gets Lena's favourite Cornish pasties from a hole in the wall in Temple Bar, some stew, and two slices of apple pie from a little café across the Liffey. Both owners try to give her the food but she holds her ground. She makes a decent salary now, and Lena gave her an emergency credit card for her super endeavours across the world. Alex laughed about it for two weeks straight, calling her a sugar baby at every occasion ; and she couldn’t even complain about it to Lena, because apparently she's in on the joke. Kara does not see how this is funny, especially since only a few days prior to receiving the credit card, her great age made her a cougar. She's happy at least that her sister and her girlfriend get along so well.

The trip doesn't take her long, but still longer than she would wish it to as she has to stop to take pictures with some of her international fans. She's got fans now, which is somewhat unsettling. And most of them are women, which everybody but Lena finds hilarious. Though it's not why she's doing it, Kara won't lie about feeling grateful for the appreciation she receives for her good deeds. She wouldn't mind however, if this appreciation was a little less on the casual groping side ; her biceps are Lena Luthor territory only. She still does it, still agrees to pictures and hugs little girls dressed in cardboard Kryptonian armour, but she could do without the less feral of her admirers.

She always takes extra care of Lena when a particularly bad picture grazes the cover of a tabloid ; holds her tighter, kisses her deeper. She knows she doesn't need to, that Lena won't say anything either way, and that she also doesn't need an excuse to coddle her girlfriend ; but it's become somewhat of a routine now, and she likes it. It's really effective in making the bad feelings go away.

She lands on Lena's balcony at precisely half past noon to find that she isn't in her office. Lena is usually back from R&D at this time but it doesn't take a genius to understand why she would want to bury herself in science today. Kara checks her phone for any special instruction, but Lena hasn't even opened her last messages yet, a picture of a flock of birds she saw on the way. Abandoning their lunch on the desk, Kara unlocks her personal biometric drawer and retrieves the special pass that will allow her down in the research facilities. She slips on a lab coat on the way, only because she knows Lena likes the sight of her in one.

She bypasses Lena's new assistant, Eve, on her way out. Jess was promoted and Kara doesn't like this Miss Teschmacher as much. She always greets her in an overly cheerful manner that reeks of fakeness from miles away. She doesn't derogate today, waving at her excitedly and causing Kara's body to tense on reflex. She replies politely, because Supergirl can't be anything but polite, and disappears down the service stairs. No one ever takes the stairs at L-Corp, humans would be foolish to and none of Lena's alien employees seem to be equipped with extranormal speed and therefore Kara doesn't fear accidentally shattering anyone's bones by superspeeding on her way down. Not that it ever actually happened before, but she's had some close encounters at the DEO that have made her wary of it.

She's let in the bustling lab with a satisfying beep and Jack Spheer immediately zeroes in on her. She likes Jack, he's kind, smart, and has become a good friend to Lena. But he's also akin to an overeager puppy in a slightly overwhelming way ; always moving, always talking, and often, the only way Kara can get him to stop is with the promise to let him poke at her alien knowledge over a beer. He directs her to "Miss Luthor'' in his usual heavy accent and Kara finds her girlfriend not in her bunkery private laboratory like she expected but surrounded by interns next to the whiteboard Kara once took over to gear L-Corp towards major scientific progress. Krypto is sleeping at her feet, bundled in his own lab goggles and white coat. She often wonders how Lena manages to do that. The only time she herself tried to get Krypto in anything other than his harness, he ate it.

It takes a moment for Lena to clock in on her, enthralled as she is by her work. Her body does first, unconsciously turning a quarter to the left to angle towards her, but her brain stays firmly immersed in her demonstration. Kara doesn't mind, just like her interns, she's suspended to Lena's every word. Krypto however notices her right away. He rises from sleep and to his feet, shakes himself and pads closer to her, the soft tap-tap sound of his paws briefly covering everything else in the noisy room. She crouches down to his level, buries her fingers in his fur with controlled strength ; that's when Lena sees her.

She smiles, softens, her posture relaxing faster than a melting ice cube under the sun. She takes a half step, remembers she's in the middle of something and dismisses her team with a bright, "great job everyone, let's pick it up tomorrow," and waits less than a second for everyone to turn away before she walks to Kara and kisses her on the cheek.

"Sorry darling, I lost track of time."

Kara hums, turns her head a fraction to kiss Lena too. "I noticed. Do you want to come up ? I brought lunch."

Instead of answering, Lena leans in to tuck her head in the crook of her neck.

"I flew to Dublin, there's stew, Cornish pasties and apple pie."

A that, Lena perks up, and as if on cue, her stomach grumbles. "I was wondering where you'd been," she sighs. "You smell fresh."

They take the stairs up to Lena's office. Well, Kara takes the stairs, and Lena is carried up the stairs, bridal style. Kara's been even more squeamish than usual around elevators since she came back from space, and she's eternally grateful that Lena just goes with the flow when it comes to this. She doesn't know if she'd be able to handle the constant reminder that some parts of herself are unfixable. She's tried avoiding using the word broken, but it's hard, especially when her aversion to small cramped spaces has increased tenfold and good nights of sleep are still few and far between. She still jumps out of her skin at the mere hint of any kind of buzzing, still hasn't visited the Lena Luthor Rehabilitation Centre because thinking about the manor makes her feel like she could sweat buckets of dread even if she can't sweat in the first place.

She gently deposits Lena on the landing and they make their way to her office. Thankfully, Miss Teschmacher has gone to lunch and she doesn't have to handle her existence twice today. She does feel a little bad for not liking her, but to be fair, Eve's strangely aggressive jauntiness attacked first.

Lena strips off her lab coat, makes a beeline for the couch, kicks off her heels and brings her legs underneath her. Today is a day free of board meetings, but she's still wrapped up in a three piece suit armour, courtesy of the morning's untimely phone call. She looks better than she did this morning though, still slightly guarded, but less like the universe is about to collapse on her. Kara removes her own lab coat, goes to hang it neatly next to Lena's, then rolls up her sleeves and proceeds to heat their food with quick bursts of her vision.

Lena's eyes follow her around the room, and she waits for her to be seated next to her before taking her first bite, moaning at the taste. "You're a gift."

"I just like taking care of you."

She takes a big bite of her own lunch, unsurprised when crumbs flicker down on her lap. Lena sighs, retrieves a cloth napkin from the coffee table and lays it down on Kara's trousers with a light disapproving look. "You're such a messy eater."

"You would know," Kara replies, attempting to wiggle her eyebrows.

"Don't be crass," Lena fires back, blushing nonetheless.

Kara wipes her fingers clean, and lays her hand on her thigh, pressing in in comfort in anticipation of what she is about to ask. "How was your morning ?"

Lena takes a long sip of water, considers the question for a moment. "Better than I expected," she says eventually. "But I had a lot of work to do, so that's probably why."

"Good," Kara says gently. "How do you feel now ?"

Again, a long moment passes before Lena decides to answer. Kara doesn't mind. She's become accustomed to her silences, they're even strangely comforting as they mean Lena feels safe enough to allow herself the time to think. She does eventually speak, uttering only a few words. "I'm not really sure."

"That's okay," Kara reassures, squeezing her thigh gently.

"I know he has my number," Lena continues with a sad chuckle, "I put myself on his call list. But he never tried to reach me again. Not even a letter. I've received a few bombs and some of the attempts on my life might be from his lackeys but I wouldn't call that healthy communication."

She says all this in an overt casual manner and Kara has to work hard to school her horrified expression.

"I've talked about it with my therapist," Lena says, and at that, Kara perks up. It's not often that they talk about their respective therapy sessions. Mostly, they cry on each other's shoulders after particularly hard conversations, but that's all. "I miss him. I don't think there will be a point in my life where I won't be missing my brother. But this isn't my brother. The man I'm grieving for does not exist anymore, and I don't think I want to talk to him."

"Has he tried calling you again this morning ?" Kara asks, tentative and unsure of how to approach what Lena just said.

"No. But my mother has. Left a voicemail, said we needed to talk but didn't say about what. Typical Lillian."

"Are you going to call her back ?"

"No," Lena replies, this time with no hesitation. "I haven't heard from her since I threw her out of my office and if I have it my way, I won't speak with her ever again."

"Okay, that's fair."

"You don't find this harsh ?"

"No," Kara replies simply and unequivocally. "I think we all have our complicated family dynamics and pasts and that if you never want to interact with Lillian ever again it's your choice and you have my full support."

Lena buries against her side, the half-full stew container swaying perilously on her lap. "Thank you."

A minute passes, during which the stew's fate is further endangered by Krypto attempting to get a bite, then Lena speaks again. "It's just," she says, "with your own family history, sometimes I fear you'll get mad at me with the way I treat mine."

"I won't," Kara promises, softly kissing her on the side of her head. "To me, the way you treat your found family is much more important. The way you behave with Sam and Ruby, the fact that you consider my sister as your sister, has much more value than the way you react to your biological folks who have done nothing but hurt you."

Lena sighs. "I suppose you're right."

"You know I am."

"Careful," Lena says, laughing a little as all remaining traces of tension slip away, "or that big head of yours won't fit through the door anymore."

"I see no problem with that," Kara replies haughtily, holding back a laugh of her own. "I can alway bust through the wall."

Lena snorts, then presses her hand to her mouth to hide her smile. "Do you have to go back to CatCo today ?" she asks.

"No. I can work from home with you. First though, I have an appointment with this slice of pie."

Lena laughs, brazen, and Kara spills some more crumbs down her front, she picks some from her waistcoat, shoves them directly back into her mouth and thinks, content, that she's lucky Lena is already in love with her.

***

Their afternoon working from home goes by in the usual way. They both start in their respective office, Lena reading over contract drafts and Kara researching for her latest article ; and when Krypto gets bored of having to travel between the two of them, he drags Kara away from her desk and she relocates to Lena's couch with her laptop. She brings with her some tea and biscuits for a break. Before dinner, she gives a customary glance to Lena's work, going over her facts and figures in case there is something that might need to be corrected. 

It's a moral conundrum. Kara knows a lot of her alien compatriots who refuse to share their knowledge, and a decently large fringe of the Earth's population is still wary of otherworldly technology. But Lena is already a more than brilliant mind and she employs quite a lot of aliens, so Kara figures there's no harm in giving her work a little nudge in the right direction when it needs it. It's not often the case, but she likes being useful, and Lena is always very appreciative of her help.

Lena takes a shower, and after superspeeding through meal prep, Kara joins her with no intention of getting clean. The onions end up very much sticking to the non-stick pan, but it falls low on Kara's priorities. At any given time, there's not much she'd rather be doing than have her hands on Lena. Nothing is much more important than running her palms on the smooth expanse of her pale skin, than kissing her, especially in the crook of her neck, where the sharp tendons melt in her collarbone. She knows that later she'll be gently berated for cracking yet another tile in the bathroom but for now, Lena's mind and senses are otherwise occupied.

Later, much later, after their slightly burnt dinner has been consumed and Kara has carefully patched the newest hole in the shower, she slips into bed next to Lena, her body sliding easily in the new expensive bed sheets. She's still surprised, from time to time, by how casually rich Lena is. It's easy to forget, considering that they live in a building that has not won the award for best kept apartment complex ; but Lena will spend thousands of dollars without blinking an eye, and this even after Kara has told her time and time again that she doesn't need to impress her. Lena has flowers and food delivered to her office for no reason, she buys high thread-count sheets on a whim, and more days than none, Kara comes home to find that her girlfriend has decided to buy her another ridiculously expensive outfit just because she can. She's pretty sure these sheets have been imported from Europe which is remarkably funny considering that Lena's current pyjama is an old t-shirt from an obscure rock band and a pair of Kara's boxers.

She puts her book down when Kara joins her, rolling and shuffling closer with her eyes already half closed. "You took your time joining me," she whispers, "I was waiting for you."

"Krypto requested extra head pats," Kara replies, opening her arms so that Lena can come rest in her embrace.

"I request extra head pats," Lena grumbles.

Kara laughs, a low sound rumbling out of her throat. She lays a soft kiss on top of her head, then proceeds to comb her fingers through her hair, the electric jolts of her metal arm soothing in their familiarity. Lena falls asleep quickly, exhausted by her emotional day, and Kara is fast to follow. Her last conscious thought is the warm knowledge of how much she loves her.

It's barely 2am when she's woken up with a panicked start. A low buzz fills the room around her and she can't tell where it's coming from. Panicked, painfully unaware of if she needs to ready herself for a fight or run, she slams her hands against her ears, squeezes her eyes shut ; she needs to make it stop.

Through the turmoil, a clear voice reaches her, and she clings to it, falls into its lilt and flow with desperation. "It's your phone darling. Just your phone." Lena. "You must have set it back on vibrate by accident. It's okay. It's just your phone darling. Do you want me to pick up ?"

The buzzing stops. Kara exhales slowly, running her hand heavily down her face. "I'm okay," she says, even if she feels far from okay, silly and unclean and her arm itches.

"You are okay," Lena confirms.

Just as she speaks, the phone starts buzzing again and Kara picks it up with lightning speed. It's Nia. 

She loathes to leave Lena behind but she rolls out of bed anyway, her feet hitting the cold floorboards as she pads out of the room. "Go back to bed," she says gently. "I'm okay, I just need to deal with this."

She leaves the door ajar and stands in the stream of light, she knows Lena will feel better if she's able to see her. "Did you see something ?" she asks Nia with no preamble.

"Good evening to you too Kara," Dreamer replies, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "And yes, I did see something."

"So ?"

"There's a storm coming."

"Is that a metaphor ?" Kara probs, her patience wearing thin with each second. She glances at Lena, stares as her breathing evens out in the prelude of sleep.

"No," Nia replies. "There's a literal storm coming, it was on the weather report." She sighs, marks a pause. "Of course it's a metaphor Kara, it's a dream ! I just need to study it, find its source and meaning. But I saw a storm, and Lex Luthor. Which thanks for the nightmare by the way. He wasn't alone, but I couldn't see the other's face. They were in the suit Lena had when we took on Brainiac."

"The Lexosuit ?" Kara offers.

Nia doesn't pick up on that, instead, she continues spewing ominous things. "There was a bright green smoke too. I heard a scream, and then I woke up. I tried astral projecting into my dream but I had to stop. It was making me nauseous."

"Thank you Nia. You did great."

"What do you want me to do with all of that ? Should I tell J'onn ?"

Lena rolls over on her side, groans when she can't find Kara next to her.

"No," she replies, lowering her voice. "But you can tell Brainy. We'll need to monitor Stryker's Island. And Lillian Luthor."

"You do know Brainy is incapable of lying, right ?"

"I'll take the chance." She hears an uptick in Lena's heart, knows she needs to go back to bed now. "And Nia," she adds, "under no circumstances can this get back to Lena's ears."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you live in Dublin (marry me please ?) or if you intend on travelling there when this whole end of the world thing is over, Kara gets her Cornish pasties from _Hanley's Cornish Pasties_ in Temple Bar (just next to Ha'Penny Bridge) and the apple pie from _The Sweetest Thing_ on the other side of the Liffey a little further west. If "a little further west" means nothing to you, once you've crossed the bridge with Temple Bar behind you, just walk with the river on your right. Alright, now that the food recs are done, slán, and see you next week.


	4. Swagger of a champion (Lena)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a gala is organised and Lena is very stressed, and very thirsty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from [Womanizer](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28kvODXcf9zj0FUOeR63Fg?si=HGPA3e9ZR_q4v_ohLbKkuQ%22) but the Glee Cast version because I make the rules here. Okay that's a lie, Melissa Benoist makes the rules and I'm a simple gay.

Lex calls back two more times. Always early in the morning, like he doesn’t give a shit about timezones ; which, knowing him rather well Lena can attest is most likely true. He used to do that a lot when he went on business trips, calling her in the dead of the night, expecting her to pick up no matter what. The third time he calls, he does it so early that Kara and her are still in bed, and after a lengthy discussion that can be boiled down to "you don’t have to carry that weight," Lena asks her new assistant to get the penitentiary to take her off Lex’s approved call list. She ups her security after that ; her quarterly assassination attempt is bound to be vicious. 

She expects to feel something akin to relief after cutting ties with this man who isn’t really her brother but all it does is up her stress level tenfold. Unwillingly, she finds herself dragged back to the time Lex dropped the presidential race to become a full fledge terrorist, went on the run and proceeded to stalk her, intent on having her join his side. For the week that follows his last call, she’s jumpy, short tempered. Her heart takes off at every loud noise, and she can’t help but constantly look over her shoulder, convinced, most of the time, that she’s being watched. She only manages to calm down, by sheer strength of will, after Kara offers to fly to Stryker’s Island to check on him. She does not want her to get anywhere close to that maniac.

Kara stops by for lunch everyday that week, going so far as cutting short some of her _Aliens of National City_ interviews so she can be here to check on her. She refused to rename them _Interviews with Supergirl_ , though Cat Grant tried to force it on at least seven separate occasions. Lena is used to having Kara around. Often, she’ll come work here in the afternoon when she’s having a particularly bad day, and Lena will come up from the lab or a board-meeting to find her girlfriend settled on the couch with their dog close to her, smart shoes discarded on the rug, and her shirt sleeves tightly rolled up her forearms, engrossed in her research. But it’s different now, feels a little overbearing, like Kara is constantly monitoring that she isn’t just going to blow up ; metaphorically and literally. 

Ironically, it does get better after she almost gets blown up and proves she can disarm a bomb on her own while Kara is out helping with a landslide and Miss Teschmacher is busy screaming her lungs off. Kara is reminded that Lena is a big girl who can take care of herself most of the time, and the expected incident having passed, Lena’s stress levels return to what is normal for her.

***

"I don’t understand how you can be so..." Alex starts, eyeing her cautiously.

"So what ?" Lena asks, peering inside of the pastries display case. She's selected a plump looking apple turnover for herself but she likes surprising Kara with something new once in a while.

"So chill," Alex finishes.

They have Supergirl donuts, dreadful dough rings of swirling blues, reds and yellows. She moves up in the cue, Alex hot on her heels. "Years of practise," she replies casually. She thinks she'll take two of the arteries clogging Superdonuts.

"Someone planted a bomb in your office !" Alex exclaims before anxiously glancing around to see if anyone’s heard her. Her concern in welcomed, but discretion is of no use ; the latest attempt on her life was all other the news.

"This is not as uncommon as you'd think. Comes with being the sibling of a terrorist." 

She orders her coffee and pastries, deciding last minute to take three of the Superdonuts. It surprises her, but she doesn't dare to question why she doesn't tell Alex that this time, the bomb came from said terrorist. She doesn't want to have to face how she recognised his work immediately, how it felt a little like reuniting with an old friend. The last part, she hasn’t even told Kara ; out of shame maybe.

"Still," Alex continues, "you can’t possibly just be immune to the fact people keep trying to kill you."

Lena shrugs and swipes her credit card. "I'm not unaffected, if that's what you're trying to say. I just learned how not to care too much about these sorts of things."

"Just so we're clear," Alex says, collecting her own coffee with a grateful nod, "you're saying that you don't mind having to deflect attempts on your corporeal integrity, not that you don't care about your life at all ? Otherwise Kelly is going to have to find you a better therapist."

"I do not not care about attempts on my 'corporeal integrity'," Lena mimics, "I’ve just learned how to live with it. Comes with the family name. Plus, I’ve survived this far, so I can’t be that bad at it." She slips into a chair at an open table, one that thankfully allows her to have her back to the wall and, after taking a sip of her warm coffee, continues, "anyway, enough of this dire conversation. Why did you want to see me ?"

Alex drops opposite her, dragging her chair to the left so she isn't sitting with her back to the room. "Can't I just want to hang out with my second favourite sister ?"

"Second ?" Lena repeats, her eyebrow arching into her hairline.

"No one can top Kara."

"Oh I know that," Lena replies, voice dropping just a bit.

Alex's eyes widen before she frowns, and shakes her head regretfully. "Unfortunate wording. But you caught me, I actually wanted to discuss security at the gala. I want to offer the DEO's protection. I know you have your own team and so does the museum but Supergirl technically falls under our jurisdiction."

Lena takes a bit of her turnover, applesauce leaking from the other side. She catches it before it can it the plate, licks her fingers then wipes them on a napkin and says, "is that all ? Of course I’m okay with DEO protection."

Alex visibly deflates, residual tension leaving her body all at once. "Okay," she says. "Good. It's just we've been under a lot of attention lately because of the way we handled Kara prior to her coming out as Supergirl."

Lena hums. "Since she was technically illegal."

Alex nods. "Yes. There’ve been calls for J’onn to resign and we’re under a lot of scrutiny from the government and we’ve been asked to clearly display our affiliation as long as we’re not working undercover. I wanted to be sure you’re okay with being associated with us."

"Works for me," Lena says. "We can never have too much security. Does that mean you won’t be coming ?"

"Oh no no, big night for Kara, I'll be there," Alex replies, smiling fondly. "I'm delegating this one. Plus I promised Kelly I'd take the night off."

"Did Kara tell you what she’d be wearing ?" Lena probs, trying, tentatively, to feign disinterest.

"Yes," Alex says, taking a sip of her coffee, "but I’m not allowed to tell you."

Lena sighs. "Can you blame me for trying ?"

Alex laughs, but doesn’t say anything. She contents herself with shooting her an amused look, and Lena resigns herself to having to wait to see Kara's big look.

***

Prepping for the gala is stressful ; even more so than usual. Lena has been attending galas since the tender age of five, and routinely organising her own since the age of fifteen, a necessary rite of passage according to Lillian, but this one is different. It's not for herself, and it's not for L-Corp, it's for Kara, and everything has to be perfect. Not just because Kara, as herself, deserves as such, but because she’s Supergirl and the whole world will be watching. And Lena might be used to the inner workings of such an event, she might have gotten very good at delegating and giving berth to the people around her to let them assist, to let them carry some of her load, and she might also know, deep in her bones, that Kara won't care either way ; but it doesn't change the added weight of all the eyes that will be on them, it doesn't change the fact that if it's Kara to her, it's Supergirl to everyone else and something regarding Supergirl can't be anything but flawless.

She remembers it like it happened yesterday ; unfortunately. She can still feel the thrill of putting together a proposal based on the scraps of information she got from Kara, the primal joy of signing her name at the bottom of the check forever cementing L-Corp as the biggest donor of the alien immigration section of the Science Museum ; and the all consuming pain that followed, the hollowness left by Kara's death, and still today, the piercing knowledge that this event almost happened without her. The whole world is going to be watching the grand opening, but few are those who will know what lies behind, who will understand the pain that comes with it. Few are those who will even begin to grasp what it means to Lena to be able to walk through the door on Kara's arm. But it's okay, she wouldn't wish that agony to her worst enemy.

Not when she still wakes up, gasping for breath, chest empty and aching, convinced that if she opens her eyes, the spot next to her in bed will be empty. Not when some days, she has to be touching Kara at all times for fear she'll vanish into smoke if she stops paying attention for even one second. No one deserves this, and, she knows it now, not even her.

Still, this gala is a bitch to plan, and she doesn't hold back from telling Kara exactly that, especially since she hasn't managed to get her to reveal what she'll be wearing beyond the obvious blue and red colour scheme.

"I'm not telling you," Kara says one morning over breakfast as Lena muses aloud about Aellons' food intolerances.

"It's a surprise," she whispers in her ear one night when she catches her sneaking around in the walk-in closet and distracts her with other activities instead.

"Still no," she cuts at lunchtime on another day before Lena can even begin to ask.

She tries with others of course, even after Alex proves to be useless. Nia replies with a plain "nope," Sam rolls her eyes fondly, and Brainy simply runs out of the room. As for Kelly, she doesn't know anything, and Ruby has been bribed with sweets. Her annoyance though, is only surface level and it's probably why Kara doesn't tell her. If Lena truly was bothered by it, she has no doubt her girlfriend would tell her in a heartbeat. Kara doesn't hide things from her, not the big things at least ; but they've been working their way up with little surprises, secret dates, hidden outfits, things that Lena can be comfortable with in her own personal quest of loosening up a little.

***

In the end, and unsurprisingly if she's being honest, Lena's patience is rewarded ; Kara is beyond magnificent. Like the infuriating tease that she is, she exiles herself to her sister's house to get ready and Lena learns on that occasion that Kelly, who supposedly knew nothing about it, is the one who has been keeping the outfit under lock and key. If anything, it's proof that she is a cunning true Danvers and that Lena has no choice but to marry into that family too if she wants a chance to keep up with all of them ; not that she minds at all.

Sam and Ruby come by to get ready with her, though truly the gathering is nothing more than three hours of mayhem. Sam sneaks in some alien alcohol then repeatedly pokes at her eye with her mascara brush because she can't keep her hands steady ; then Ruby takes a sip of her mother's glass because she's thirsty and ends up uncontrollably floating all the way up to the ceiling. Lena loses half an hour trying to get the giggling teenager down while Sam, the mighty Kryptonian, wanders around, half blinded by human make-up.

Lena loves her best friend with all her heart, but by the time Kara comes to pick her up, she's ready for either a nap or a whole bottle of whiskey and then a nap. She understands where Sam's nerves are coming from, she won't blame her for her feelings, but she also wishes things weren't that complicated. She is aware that this a childish thought to have, and that her wishful thinking won't fix everything for everyone, but she just can't help it. Not when Sam continuously dismisses her own feelings, stating that she's fine at every turn, not when right now, she looks up at her from where she's sitting, make-up fixed and mouth quivering asking her what she thinks of her outfit and Lena knows she's dressed for Alex.

"You look very handsome." _I'm sure she'll like it._

She's saved from the second part accidentally slipping by a knock on the door and she rolls her eyes, astonished by how old fashioned Kara can be sometimes. It's her own home !

It's not Kara who's behind the door though, but Alex, standing nervously in a slightly darker version of her wedding suit, sharp and grey with polished black shoes and a deep red tie. She's looking down and fiddling with her bracelet when Lena opens the door but immediately snaps to attention when she feels eyes on her.

"I'm here to get Ruby," she says, her words sounding just a little too rehearsed. "And Sam. Kelly is waiting in the car. Downstairs."

Lena can feel her eyebrows rising high enough to disappear into her hairline. The both of them are spared any comment she might have made by Ruby barreling out of the apartment and into her mother's arms and Alex greets her with a little "oof," as air rushes out from her on impact. The weird tension dissipates, and Sam steps out into the corridor, lightly berating her daughter for not remembering not everyone can handle superspeed. Her leeway is almost nonexistent though, or she'll have to let Alex know she accidentally let their child drink very strong alcohol. The little family disappears down the stairs, happily chatting amongst themselves but Lena doesn't pay much attention. The moment they're out of sight, Kara rounds the corner and steps into view, and she's breathtaking.

She didn't lie about her outfit being blue and red ; her tight fitting suit is intensely blue, and the half cape slung other her right shoulder is violently red. She's not wearing a jacket, and she's rolled up the sleeves of her crisp white shirt to expose her tensed forearms in a way that Lena knows will have National City's elite falling all over themselves to get a good look at her ; after all, she is falling all over herself to get a good look. Kara's waistcoat hugs her torso, and it's been embroidered, on her left breast, with the House of El crest in vivid gold thread. The garment stops just on the edge of a dark brown belt matching polished boots that disappear under the neat cuff of her trousers. For all the time she's spent organising it, when she notices the way the fabric of her trousers tenses over her crotch, Lena wouldn't mind skipping the gala altogether.

"So," Kara says with a knowing smirk, "how do I look ?"

Lena firmly intends on replying, on shooting back something in an equally seducing voice, but her mouth hangs open uselessly like a fish out of water and all she manages to do is close it so she can attempt to swallow on her extremely dry throat. Kara however, doesn't seem to be expecting any sort of reply and she makes her way to her slowly, with an exaggerated swagger in her step, and only stops when they're standing extremely close to one another. She leans in, stops for half a second, then lays on her lips the kiss to end all kisses.

Her hands come rest heavily on her hips, gripping at the expensive fabric of her dress and on their own, Lena's hands wrap themselves around her strong shoulders. Her lips part with no prompting and she moans when Kara's warm tongue slips inside with no delay.

"You're going to ruin my makeup," the rational part of her brain has her mumble almost inaudibly.

"Like you care," Kara whispers, kissing her deeper in turn.

Lena feels her back hit the wall and she presses herself against her harder, the curves of her body moulding themselves to the planes of Kara's. Clothes as a concept become suddenly unbearable and she starts tugging at the collar of her shirt, trying to convey this new development. This, unfortunately, has the exact opposite effect to what she desires.

Kara steps away just enough for a gust of the chilly night air to pass in between their bodies, and, after swiping at her bottom lip to wipe off a red stain says, "come on, I can't be late to my own party. And I have something for you."

Lena wants to protest, who cares about this stupid party ? But Kara extracts a long slim box from her pocket and when she opens it, Lena loses all ability to speak once more.

It's a necklace. A thin golden chain made of minuscule and intricate loops at the centre of which rests her House's crest. It's beautiful and delicate, and as Lena gazes upon it, she notices an engraving on the metal, tiny and indecipherable to most everyone else but unmistakably Kryptonese to her eyes.

"I know everyone will be looking at me tonight," Kara says gently, "I know there'll be whispers, callow and crude, but I want you to remember I'm yours, tonight and always, no matter what anyone might think of it."

She takes the necklace out of the box and with more delicacy than anyone would believe her to be capable of, clasps it around her neck, her fingers ghosting on the stray hair on her nape. She bends to kiss the crook of her shoulder then takes a final step back. "You look perfect," she says, "I love you."

"Do we really have to go ?" Lena sighs.

"I'm afraid so. But I'll cover for you if you want to go home early."

"Thank you," Lena replies, even if she knows she won't abandon Kara to the crowd. "Let's go."

She takes Kara's offered hand and walks at her side down the corridor. Kara marks a pause in front of the wonky elevator and Lena takes the opportunity to kiss the side of her jaw, her high heel offering her an ideal high boost. "I don't think I've told you yet how terrifyingly handsome you look tonight," she whispers in her ear. Then, she tugs gently on her hand, and leads her down the stairs. She gets a weird feeling as they make their way out of the building, not quite like her familiar dread, but not unlike it either. She shakes it off ; tonight will be perfect.

***

The ride to the museum is deceptively short, which, Lena supposes, was to be expected considering that they usually go there on foot and it doesn't take more than twenty minutes. In the blink of an eye, her most trusted driver rounds the corner and the L-Car enters the long wide road that leads to the Science Museum. There are cameras everywhere, blinding flashes of light, and a crushing human tide of over-excited people. They are everywhere, screaming as soon as they recognised the car and Lena thinks back to the time when, like most children, she'd wanted to be a movie star. Retrospectively, she knows she wouldn't have been able to handle it.

Kara's large hand squeezes her thigh and she forces herself to take a deep relaxing breath. Tonight is Kara's night, and tonight is going to go smoothly from beginning to end. The car comes to a stop in front of the red carpet and Lena belatedly realises that she should have chosen a different dress. Sure, the ruby red goes wonderfully well with Kara's blue suit, and her girlfriend is very appreciative of her neckline, but she's going to grossly disappear in the carpet and will look like a complete idiot. Kara lets go of her thigh to take her hand, threading their fingers together. She looks at her, searching her gaze, and when their eyes lock, more than words pass between them. Lena nods, Kara opens the car door, and the outside word rushes to meet them.

It's just as loud as she expected it, screams assaulting her ears from every directions. If it's like that for her, it can't be anything but unbearable for Kara, but Supergirl shows no sign of annoyance. She stands tall, regal, unfaltering as she helps her out of the car with a dazzling smile. Taking a page out of her book, Lena schools her own frown, and puts her game face one. They walk up to the museum hand in hand, stopping in all the right spots to take all the appropriate pictures. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Lena sees at least three girls faint ; one right after she's cried a strangled "choke me daddy !" This is the part Kara hates the most, this way all these people seem to have elected Supergirl as a consensual object of desire when the very existence of Kara Danvers was until then considered an abomination by many of them. She rarely says anything about it though. It's a wound that she keeps close to her chest ; and the one time she gave an interview about it, the one time she confessed being proud of being an example to all the gender nonconforming kids out there, she cried for two hours upon coming home. Lena wonders how many of the people who are here now know about this, how many give a shit.

The Olsen-Danvers-Arias family unit is waiting for them at the top of the stairs, Alex and Kelly quietly chatting while Sam has an arm wound tight around Ruby, shielding her from the noise. Doctor Templer, the curator, is standing a little away from them with president Marsdin, a veritable army of museum staff, and a couple of the usual benefactors, looking surly for having been kept away from the funding and planing of this particular exhibition. Lena spots sleazy Morgan Edge which unfortunately means Lillian won't be jailed for his murder, L-Corp board member Mercy Graves, and a couple of other familiar and mostly detested faces. They all eye each other with barely concealed hatred, except for Mercy who shoots her a little friendly wave, and Lena works hard to refrain herself from peacocking at Kara's arm. They can hate her all they want for putting her name on the building, she's still the one who gets to kiss Kara good morning and goodnight. Pleasantries are exchanged and Lena powers through them with Kara's hand resting possessively on the small of her back until finally, they are allowed inside.

The great entrance hall has been entirely redecorated for the occasion with futuristic metal sculptures designed with Kara's instructions, planets and lights hanging from the high ceiling to recreate a place far far away and tables upon tables bowing under food. A large circle has been cleared in the centre for dancing and on the far left is the podium on which Lena will give her speech later. Lena is the only one who's seen the final product before the opening and so she can focus all of her attention on Kara. She feels her tense beside her and when she dares to look at her, she finds her face frozen in wonder, unshed tears brimming in her eyes. Alex comes frame her on her other side, her head resting on her shoulder and the three of them stand like that, unmoving, under a reminiscence of Krypton's stars.

Kara is muttering rapidly under her breath, too fast for Lena to catch much of it because her own Kryptonese is still rough and clunky but she still gets the general meaning. " _Beautiful_ ," and " _thank you_ ," over and over again. Her grip on her hand is a tad too tight to be comfortable but Lena wouldn’t change one thing when Kara looks down at her, eyes shining like she’s just given her the whole universe. 

" _I love you_ ," she says, trying the foreign language on her tongue and Kara beams brighter than ever before, a lone tear sliding down her cheek. Lena catches it with her thumb and brings it to her mouth, tasting its sharpness on her tongue.

" _I love you_ ," Kara echoes, the words sounding much better when her native accent wraps around them. " _So much_."

Then, the hall fills up behind them, and it’s showtime.

***

The party is, from a Luthor’s point of view, magnificent. Lena might even venture to say that even Lillian would be proud, if only there weren’t so many aliens on the guest list. It’s one of her greatest accomplishments, the fact that she can now organise such an event with minimal backlash and a number of false accusations close to zero. She knows it's entirely due to her association to Supergirl, but on her better days, Lena likes to think her own work played a little part in this.

The music is strange, a mix of eerie percussion and heavy winds that's unlike anything she's ever heard on Earth. She had Sam retrieve some data crystals from the Fortress and tasked her most musically inclined employees with developing something from them. The result is peculiar and maybe a bit dissonant but Kara doesn't seem peeved by it one bit. In fact, she's even managed to fall in step with the music rather quickly, sweeping her away in a strange waltz. People around them are peering at them intently, trying to mimic Supergirl's gestures ; Lena for her part gave up early on and simply put her feet on top of hers. 

They do have to part at some point, to maintain appearances, and Lena observes with minimum jealousy as Kara leads President Marsdin and then Doctor Templer in a toned down version of their previous dance. She slips away when she catches Morgan Edge making eyes at her, narrowly avoids collision with an alien whose hair seems to be made of fire and drops down heavily on a free chair next to Sam. 

"How's it going ?" her friend asks, her words just slurred enough that Lena wonders if she'll have to question her choice of providing Aldebaran rum for this gathering. She's holding a charred canapé between her fingers, pops it into her mouth and smiles when actual smoke rushes out through her nostrils. "Deadly to humans," she says with a sad grin.

"Figured as much," Lena mumbles, taking a bite of her very safe smoked-salmon toast. She chases it with a sip of champagne from a passing tray, the bubbles tickling their way down her throat. "Where’s Ruby ?" she asks, casting a glance around the room for the teenager. 

Sam points in a vague direction in the middle of the crowd and with a bit of effort, Lena finds the youngest Kryptonian dancing with Alex. "She's got some good moves," she remarks as Alex generously lets herself be twirled by her daughter.

Sam laughs, a bit more levity seeping into her tone. "She certainly did not get that from me. Remember that time I almost broke your foot ?"

"Almost ? My toes were purple for two weeks !"

"I'll take my chances anyway," a soft voice says before them and when Lena looks away from the crowd, she finds Kelly extending her hand towards Sam. 

In this moment, Lena swears it, the world stops turning. She stares as her perpetually broken hearted best friend takes the hand of her ex-girlfriend's wife, blushes, and stands to follow her. Lena is a 100% sure she's missed something. 

She doesn't get much time to think about it however because the moment Sam is out of the way, Edge falls heavily on her discarded chair. He opens his mouth to speak, sending whiffs of rotten onions in the air around him and Lena is quietly preparing to die then and there when a projector lights on the stage and she's saved by timing. 

Kara materialises in front of her, extending her hand in a gesture that very much mirrors Kelly's, and she whisks her away from asphyxia and boredom. "I think that's your cue," she whispers in her ear, wrapping a possessive arm around her back. 

Tightly pressed up against one another, they make their way through the parted crowd until they reach the podium and Kara helps her up before retreating to find a prime watching spot, front and centre. They lock eyes for a long second, this single action fuelling Lena with warmth and confidence. 

"Good evening," she says, "and thank you all for joining us tonight. I think my relation with Supergirl is no secret," a pleased murmur runs through the crowd, "and-"

She doesn't see the bullet rushing towards her. She doesn't even hear the detonation. She does however, feel a very intense pain, and not much else. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you know I am absolutely not sorry for this, see you next week !


	5. I hate my life (Kara)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lena doesn't die and instead gets to have several discussions with Kara. An important someone visits the DEO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from [Good to be alive](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28kvODXcf9zj0FUOeR63Fg?si=HGPA3e9ZR_q4v_ohLbKkuQ) by PVRIS. At this point you might just want to listen to the whole _Use Me_ album by this band, it's going to make up a lot of the playlist for this fic ^^

Kara rams into Lena's side with just a little too much strength ; but she stops the bullet aiming for her heart, and for now, it's all that matters. 

The room around her erupts into chaos. Alex screams in the comms hidden in her ear, but Kara allows herself a full second to lock herself inside of her bubble, honing in on Lena's heartbeat until she feels nothing but a strange intense calm. Then, she jumps out and comes under an intense fire. Fuck, she liked that suit. 

The peaceful gala has turned into a chaotic gathering. People scream, run, trample each other on their way to the exits. Those who can fly are busting their way out through the high crystalline windows and flame-hair-woman has set fire to a chandelier. Alex is still screaming in her ear just as half of the DEO's available forces bursts in guns blazing in an unnecessary display of force. She can't find the shooter, the bullets sweeping the room in a wide messy arc with the clear intent of doing as much damage as possible.

She tunes in on Lena again, focuses on her sluggish heartbeat to calm herself down and narrows her eyes at the crowd sweeping the room in one long gaze. And there, behind the far most right pillar is a tall burly man with gruff features and a machine gun that is definitely not from Walmart. Alex clocks in on him a millisecond after Kara does, and, ripping her suit jacket and shirt off to reveal bulletproof armour, she charges ahead at him.

Kara is quick to catch up with her and she steps before her to rip the gun out of the man's hands and bend its cannon to render it useless. "I thought you were off the clock !" she shouts at Alex as the man rips his own jacket open to reveal several knives and, fuck, a bomb strapped to his chest.

"Yeah ? Well I lied !"

"Clearly," Kara mumbles under her breath. Swiftly, she pins the man's arms behind his back, lightly knocks him on the side of the head and lets Alex's expertise take the lead. Her sister rips the coverage of the bomb then bends down to retrieve pliers and a small knife from the inside of her socks. A miniature gun and a screwdriver clatter to the ground when she hurries up.

"What are you ? A walking armoury ?"

"You can never be too prepared," Alex grunts around the knife she's holding in her mouth.

"Wouldn't it be easier if I just ripped it out ?"

"And risk him exploding before I can get him in custody ? Nope." Alex cuts a wire and she hums, pleased, as the bomb powers down with a satisfying _beep_. Her reprieve however is short lived and she jumps back, her face twisted in horror. "It's a decoy," she whispers, the knife falling from her parted lips.  
"A what ?"

"A decoy ! Kara run !"

Just then, the man that she clearly didn't knock out properly, rouses and whispers, his voice rough and tortured, "give the Luthor traitor my compliments."

Kara doesn't run. Instead, she wraps herself around the man and prays her body will be able to shield the rest of them from the explosion. A loud thunder-like _bang_ fills the room quickly followed by dead silence, and the unfortunately familiar stench of charred flesh.

***

Kara looks at the corpse resting on the metal slab and shivers. She hates the morgue. Self-consciously, she tugs at the sleeves of her hoodie, trying to tuck her hands in like it might protect her from the world.

Beside her, Alex swipes at her tablet with a deep concentrated frown. She's gotten reading glasses recently, and Kara thinks it makes her look a bit like an angry owl. "DNA records identified him as Otis Graves, 42. Just came out of prison, his criminal record is longer than Kelly's Thanksgiving groceries list. Known for his association with Lex Luthor."

"Graves you said ? I think he's got family on Lena's board."

Alex nods severely. "Mercy Graves," she says, swiping at her screen. "38. No criminal record. Was cleared of all association to Lex Luthor during the early days of the trial. Known protégée of Lillian Luthor but supported all of L-Corp's green initiatives. She's squeaky-clean."

"A little too much," Kara grumbles to herself.

Alex sighs and zips the body bag. "Come on," she says, "let's go back upstairs. Is Lena in the med bay ?"

Kara nods. "She's asleep. Doctor Veritas gave her painkillers and a dose of _Skelegro_ for, um, the bones I might have maybe cracked a little when I pushed her." She adds that last part under her breath, sheepish and ashamed.

"You saved her life. And we are not calling it that," Alex says firmly, not for the first time.

"It's a serum that fixes bones, what else do you want to call it ?"

"BGXS-2020, as it was intended."

"You're no fun."

"And I'm also the boss."

"Not yet," Kara reminds her with a laugh, "J'onn is still around."

She goes to mess up her hair but Alex, having anticipated it, jumps out of the way and stalks up the corridor.

"Hey !" Kara catches up with a burst of superspeed. "Wait for me."

Alex rolls her eyes, but still holds the door open for her.

In the med bay, Lena is sleeping soundly ; face relaxed and mouth slightly parted to let out regular puffs of warm breath. There's an angry bruise blooming on her otherwise marble-like cheek. She must have hit her head on the way down. Her left hand is immobilised in a cast, just for the couple of hours it's going to take for her bone to mend itself, and Kara is holding the other in her own, soothing her thumb on her soft skin.

In her other hand, she holds the bullet, turning it over and over between her fingers. It's oblong, hollow point, would have gone straight through her heart without Kara's intervention. She shudders at the thought, pockets it and returns to her silent observation of Lena's sleeping form. Physically, she'll be okay, and it's all Kara can allow herself to think about right now.

She has hurt Lena, again. And sure, this time the dark bruise spreading on her cheek is an indication that she saved her, but she can't help but feel unclean and unworthy of her, like an uncouth bull in a china shop who breaks everything she touches. Her now free hand trembles, and she tucks it under her thigh in an effort to cease the shaking. She forces herself to relax, leaning back in the chair and closing her eyes, but her whole body is still tense and deadly ; somedays, she still hates herself, just a little, just enough.

***

Lena does not wake up for the rest of the night. Naturally, Kara does not go to sleep at all. She remains sitting on the uncomfortable chair, legs sprawled in front of her and free hand still tucked underneath herself. The entire world seems intent on visiting during the hours that stretch endlessly towards the morning. Sam shows up a little after 11pm with a blanket and a box of Lena's favourite tea, Brainy swings by around one with a report on Graves' gun confirming that it's not sold anywhere, and just before three, Nia sticks her head in through the gap in the door to very helpfully state that she, "did not see that one coming," which Kara had figured out on her own. Finally, Alex comes again at five on the dot, smelling freshly of Kelly's rose soap and with her hair still damp from her shower. She drags a three legged stool closer to the bed and plops down on it unceremoniously, a gruff expression etched on her face.

"I took the liberty of getting in touch with Stryker's warden," she says without preamble.

Kara inhales sharply, and holds her breath. She notices that a flap of skin has gotten loose on her prosthetic, but resists the urge to pick at it.

"Were you going to tell me Luthor tried to get in touch with Lena ?"

Kara releases her breath. "She asked me not to," she says.

Alex hums quietly, then, "why ?" she asks.

"I don’t know. I suppose she didn’t want to make a fuss about it."

"That does sound like Lena."

Kara squeezes Lena’s hand, gently, not hard enough to wake her up, but enough to let her know in her sleep that she’s here. "It does," she confirms. 

"You did do something about it," Alex continues. It's not a question, but more of a prompt for Kara to keep talking. Alex knows, without needing to be told, that her sister didn't just leave it at that.

Kara sighs, briefly closing her eyes before she opens them again to cast a glance at the barren room. "I asked Nia to keep an eye on Lex." 

"And what did she say ?"

"Something big’s coming."

It doesn't take more for Alex. "I'll up security."

"Lena's not going to be happy about that," Kara says, softly trailing her thumb on the back of her girlfriend's hand.

"I’ll up security discreetly," Alex corrects. "Put Brainy on it."

"Already done."

"And he managed to keep me out of the loop ?" Alex asks, her amazement just short of an impressed whistle.

"You know he unhooked himself from the mainframe."

"And thank God for that," Alex grumbles. "One traumatising event is more than enough."

Kara snickers. She wasn't here on that fateful day but she's heard plenty of recounts of Brainy accidentally uploading his porn research on all of the DEO's screens simultaneously. Nia couldn't look at anyone in the eye for an entire week, but apparently the couple's sex life is vibrant.

Her laughter makes Lena stir, but she still doesn't wake up for another two hours. Kara counts as they trickle by slowly on the old digital clock that adorns the wall. It doesn't show the seconds, unlike an antic time piece with hands and a maddening sound ; and she's grateful for it. She thinks it would have driven her crazy. Even if by some accounts, including hers, she is already crazy. It's something she wants to say sometimes, scream even, to the people who think she's just okay. She wants them to know that sometimes, she still hears _his_ voice in her head. She knows he's dead, she made sure of it herself, and no one could have survived what she did ; after all, she technically didn't. But some days, she can't help but check over her shoulder for an unwanted presence, can't help but clamp her hands over her ears at the mere suspicion of a hated sound. Some days, she doesn't even dare to speak, for fear that it's _his_ inflection that will resonate in her words.

Being around Lena makes it better. Lena makes everything better. She's here to be strong when Kara cannot be, to support her when she bends ; and Kara knows that if it weren't for her, she might not even have made it through her first few weeks back on Earth, when everything was so loud and bright all the time, when the rather simple act of breathing was, more often than not, unbearable. Lena centres her, Lena grounds her, and Lena is no longer asleep. Kara snaps out of her dark thoughts to focus on her and states, rather plainly, "you're awake."

Lena groans, and fast as lightning, Kara produces a small glass of cool water for her. The cardboard is a little damp and sticky, but Lena pays it no mind as she gulps it down, some of it trickling down her cheek as she struggles with her splinted hand. "My mandatory quarterly assassination attempt was early this time," she croaks.

Kara has half a mind of letting her know how unfunny this is, but Lena looks morose enough that she doesn't really want to add to it. Instead, she combs her fingers softly through her hair, wiping from her forehead a couple of strands that have gotten loose.

"Can you tell me what happened ? I remember getting on the podium. Then pain. But not much else."

"That was me actually," Kara says, trying to keep her voice even. "Someone tried to shoot you and I may have pushed you aside a little too enthusiastically."

"You saved my life," Lena states, quite simply.

"I." Kara swallows. She can feel the bullet in her pocket, the one she snatched mid-air and that would have most certainly taken the love of her life from her. "Yes, probably."

Lena squeezes her hand, then brings it to her mouth and lays a tender kiss on her palm. "Thank you." She breathes against her for a moment, small puffs of warm air tickling Kara's skin. "Did you stop the shooter ?" she asks eventually. "Was anyone hurt ?"

"He, detonated himself," Kara says, choosing her words carefully. "But I shielded everyone from the blast, and as far as I know, no one was majorly hurt. Apart from my suit."

"Shame," Lena whispers, "I liked that suit." She shakes her head from side to side, smiles a little crookedly. "Did you manage to identify him ?"

"I. Yes," Kara admits, seeing no point in lying but still trying to stave off the inevitable.

"And ?"

"Otis Graves."

Lena's mouth rounds in a little nearly silent "oh." She looks down at her hands, then fixes her gaze somewhere in the distance, looking at something that Kara can't see. "Lex then," she says. "How predictable."

"And yet, we didn't predict it."

"How did he get past security ?" Lena asks. "Alex had dozens of agents on site."

This time, it's Kara who looks down at her hands and she has to concede, "no idea."

Lena frowns, and remains silent for a long moment. "I suppose the DEO will want to get involved with this now ?"

"It sort of already is involved," Kara confesses. "I might have maybe asked Nia and Brainy to keep an eye on you."

Lena squeezes her eyes shut, exhales slowly. "I should have known you wouldn't leave it at that."

She doesn't sound angry, more resigned, but her tone still rests heavily on Kara's stomach.

"Let us protect you," she says, "please."

Lena sighs, and for a second, Kara thinks she's about to refuse. "Fine," she finally says. "But if you have to dig into Luthor business for this, please, talk to me about it. I don't want you to think ill of me for what you could see."

"What Lex did will never change the way I see you," Kara replies, leaning in to lay a kiss at the corner of her mouth. "I promise."

She searches for Lena's gaze, refuses to move until their eyes meet and she sees in them a quiet but fierce determination.

***

"I just don't understand why now ?" Lena says, pacing the floor at an interesting speed for someone who was just cleared of a concussion.

Kara has an inkling as to "why now ?" but she doesn't want to be the one who says it. Because the fact that "why now ?" is because of her is fairly easy to deduce, and she can't possibly be the only one who has come to this conclusion. After all, Lex Luthor didn't hesitate to mutilate an entire city to get to Superman, offing his own sister for her association to Supergirl doesn't seem too out of the realm of possibilities.

President Marsdin seems to agree with her. Or at least that's how Kara interprets her hawk-like gaze and her reinforced security detail. Lex Luthor just declared war on Supergirl from his clearly not secured enough prison cell and everyone who's close to her is at risk now.

"Whatever it is," Alex says, stopping Lena's wild course by putting a gentle but firm hand on her shoulder, "we'll find it, and we'll put a stop to it."

Lena sighs, opens her mouth to fire back, her anxiety brimming on the tip of her tongue, but President Marsdin cuts her off. "I have already given the order to increase security around your brother, Miss Luthor," she says, her lilt regal and composed. "He will temporarily be moved to a highly secured and undisclosed location while we dismantle the rest of his network. The DEO will have free range for this and in the meantime, I ask that you report directly to Director J'onzz if anyone who's been in contact with your brother at any point approaches you."

"We will make sure of that Madam President," Alex says, straightening her back to a painful point.

"I was talking to Miss Luthor, Agent Danvers."

Duly chastised, Alex looks to her feet ; as for Lena, she almost snarls. "I'd rather not be constantly monitored by a government agency," she says.

"This is a highly sensitive situation Miss Luthor, I would hope you cooperate with us."

"I will cooperate," Lena replies curtly, "but I will neither be monitored nor coddled."

"Excellent," the president says. "Then we have an agreement and I will be on my way. Supergirl ? A word please."

President Marsdin turns on her heels, her team seamlessly putting itself into motion around her. Kara jumps to a start, stumbles gracelessly and hurries after her.

"You will keep an eye on her, will you ? I have become quite fond of Miss Luthor and her work and I would be remiss if something were to happen to her."

"Frankly Madam President, the assumption that I would do anything else is rather offensive," Kara replies in a commanding tone.

The president pats her arm with a disconcerting familiarity then says, her eyes briefly flashing in a peculiar way. "I'm on your side Supergirl."

Before Kara can really look at her, the presidential security detail tightens and she's left standing behind. Slowly, she turns away from the president's retreating form to walk back to her friends, trying to infuse, for a reason she doesn't quite get, a semblance of confidence in her gait. The moment she's within reach, Lena stops her pacing to fold herself between her arms and at the first whiff of her familiar scent, Kara forgets a little about all the mess surrounding them. "Do you want to go home ?" she asks quietly.

Lena nods, forgoing words for the moment, and with no other confirmation needed, Kara gathers her tight against her to shield her from the elements, and simply takes off, leaving everyone else behind. There will be time later for complicated security plans, for now, she thinks they both just need some quiet.

***

The day passes by in a rather uninteresting manner. They take a nap upon coming home then walk Krypto and have a late breakfast before huddling in front of the TV to watch reruns of The L Word that Lena fondly criticises while Kara dozes on and off, startling awake what feels like every minute or so. In the late afternoon, they have a bath and an early dinner, then walk Krypto and go to bed where Kara does not fall asleep.

She simply can't. Her body refuses to relax and her hearing is tuned into every minute sound, her overworking brain classifying a fly on the wall three buildings away as a threat. Then, there's the buzzing. The one that she's learned to tune out again but that she sometimes can't help but hear, ever-present and overbearing. She hears it now, her own body driving her to the point of madness as she tosses and turns, trying to make it quiet.

Lena is sleeping lightly beside her, her hand periodically reaching out to rest soothingly on her arm before Kara twists again, this way or that. Eventually, she decides to just get up. She knows there's a chance her disappearance will cause Lena to wake up too, but for now she'll take the chance of allowing her to rest without a restless furnace next to her. She pads out of the room, steps over Krypto who immediately rouses to follow her, and, after prying open the heavy door of the apartment, she makes her way to the roof, her dog in tow.

She plops down on the ledge, on the spot that has become worn and smooth from her sitting. Krypto comes up next to her, resting his head next to her thigh and yawning as he settles in what can't possibly be a comfortable position. He cocks his head to the side, watching her with warm brown eyes, and sighs deeply when she smoothes her hand on his short soft fur after booping his nose.

"I know buddy," she whispers apropo of nothing and everything all at once, "I know."

He blinks at her in understanding, and she sighs too.

They stay like that, just the two of them, until midnight strikes on a clock in a nearby apartment and Lena pads out on the roof, messy hair and lithe frame wrapped in one of Kara's old plaid shirts. She comes sit next to her, stepping over the ledge to let her feet dangle in the air. She's wearing mismatched fluffy socks, one of them a little too big for her and slipping down precariously. She lowers her head down on Kara's shoulder, mumbles "I can't sleep without you," then sighs too.

"Sorry," Kara whispers, dropping a kiss on the crown of her head then wrapping an arm around her to keep her safe from the chill air of the night, "I'll come back to bed soon."

"Do you want to talk about it ?" Lena asks sleepily, "or just sit for a while ?"

"I just," Kara starts, waving her hand around with restrained anger, "I'm tired."

"I get it. The world is a trashcan on fire," Lena says wisely.

Kara snorts, holds onto her a little tighter.

"I'm sorry about the gala."

"Lena, you can't possibly hold yourself responsible for being attacked."

"Maybe if I'd picked up the phone when Lex called," Lena says wearily, letting the rest of her thoughts trail into nothing.

"No," Kara says firmly, "no. This is not your fault, this was never your fault. If anything," she continues, trying to keep her voice from slipping into an inaudible whisper, "it's mine."

"What ?!" Lena exclaims, straightening up so abruptly that only Kara's arm around her body prevents her from tipping over the edge.

"You know it's true," Kara sighs. "Lex is not a renowned Kryptonian lover. I put you in danger. I put everyone in danger."

"And yet," Lena replies, unwavering, "I'd choose you every single day."

"Lena..."

"That's not up for discussion. I choose you. Hell or high water. And when it comes to it, I know you'll be able to protect me, just like I know I can protect you."

"I suppose you're right," Kara says, deflating a little.

Lena hums. "It happens from times to times," she replies. "But I'm also still fuzzy from the painkillers so..." She stops, laughs a little. "It's just, as long as I have you, I feel like anything is possible. Together, there's nothing we can't face and we already proved it. I just want to have a little faith in what we can do." She turns to drop a kiss on Kara's shoulder, lingers there for a moment breathing in the flowery smell of their shared laundry detergent. "It doesn't mean I'm not scared, hell, I'm terrified, but together, I think we're unbreakable."

"Unbreakable," Kara echoes softly.

"Yes. Hell or high water. Now, come back to bed ?"

Kara leaves this simple question hanging for a moment, then replies an even simpler "okay," and, unfolding herself from her position on the ledge, gathers Lena in her arms and carries her back to bed. Still restless, she glances over her shoulder as they exit the roof, but there's nothing behind her but Krypto and the near silent sound of his paws on the floor. For tonight, maybe they are safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case Tumblr is more your thing than [Twitter](https://twitter.com/GoodGirlGoneGay) I'm also on it though not a lot because I often forget about it ^^ You can follow me there if it's your social media of choice : [ClaraZorEl](https://clarazorel.tumblr.com/).


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